SETTING BOUNDARIES AROUND FAMILY FOOD TALK: HOW OUR FAMILY’S DIET AND BODY TALK IMPACTS OUR EATING BEHAVIORS

HTF Podcast
Written By Kate Lyman
 

You're enjoying Sunday dinner with your family when your aunt comments, "Are you sure you want more mashed potatoes? You've already had two helpings!" 

These kinds of remarks are known as "fat talk" - comments that criticize someone's body or eating habits.

Note: In this post, when referring to “fat talk,” I’m referring to communication characterized by comments or conversations that focus on body weight, size, shape, or appearance in a negative or critical manner. This type of talk often involves expressing dissatisfaction with one's own body or making negative comments about the bodies of oneself or others. "Fat talk" can contribute to the perpetuation of societal body ideals, body shaming, and the reinforcement of harmful stereotypes related to weight and appearance. This term is taken from a validated measure called the Family Fat Talk Questionnaire.

This type of communication or commentary can have very detrimental effects on our self-esteem, body image, and overall relationship with food. It may contribute to the development of disordered eating patterns and a heightened focus on achieving unrealistic beauty standards that impact us in very negative ways as we age and grow.  

Research shows fat talk, especially from close family, can:

  • Lower self-esteem and body confidence

  • Lead to disordered eating patterns and behavior

  • Reinforce unrealistic beauty standards

  • Perpetuate weight stigma and stereotypes

 
 

This study found that 58% of high school girls reported being teased about their weight by their family. This teasing was associated with teens that had a higher BMI, more body dissatisfaction, and a higher prevalence of disordered eating. It goes to show that, not surprisingly, family criticism can have a huge impact on a kids’ body image and dieting behaviors. 

Mothers directly influence their daughters' body image by modeling behaviors or commentary. Sisters and female peers also play a role through appearance comparisons. Fathers who criticize weight or disengage emotionally can negatively impact self-worth.

When we belittle and criticize our bodies and the bodies of those around us, children are watching, listening, and learning those same behaviors. When children internalize the desire for thinness, they learn that being thin is a part of their inherent value. When we internalize these messages such as "you'd be prettier if you lost weight" or "you can't eat that,” it falsely ties our value to appearance and thinness. 

As far as the family unit goes, this cycle can be broken. Alongside modeling healthy food attitudes and removing stigma around weight and body composition, we can remove the labels from foods; not seeing what we eat as “good” or “bad,” but fostering the knowledge to understand how different foods we eat impact our health and wellbeing.

The biggest, most impactful shift is moving our focus from appearance to overall health – encouraging discussions about nutritious choices and mental well-being rather than emphasizing weight, and educating on the natural diversity of body shapes and reinforcing the notion that there is no one-size-fits-all ideal.

If we don’t want guilt around food or shame around our bodies for our child, our friends, our siblings, or our partners, we have to not be ok with that internal messaging for ourselves.

We can break this cycle with intention and compassion through: 

  • Discussing balanced nutrition and mental wellness rather than focusing on weight

  • Accepting natural diversity in body types - reinforcing that one ideal does not exist

  • Refraining from commenting negatively about yours or others’ bodies

  • Leading by example and avoid engaging in fat talk

  • Establishing boundaries as needed

With consistency, we can foster environments where people develop peaceful, functional relationships with food and their bodies - helping future generations rise above appearance-based value systems.

We delve into this topic with  much more science and conversation in our HTF podcast episode on Family Fat Talk that you can listen to here:

The HTF podcast is just one of many avenues in which I share health and nutrition education. You can find more episodes here on Apple Podcasts or here on Spotify, or check out other free resources such as free guides, guest podcast interviews, and more blog posts on our Resources page.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Kate Lyman
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